ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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