i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
