No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
