you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
