If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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