I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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