She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
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Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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