I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
