she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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