She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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