Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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