Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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