I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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