I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
