You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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