I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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