Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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