I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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