she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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