I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
