I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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