He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
