My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
