I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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