I think I died a long time ago.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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