take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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