This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
