So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
