everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
