Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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