dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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