There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
