the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
