Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
