yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
