I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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