Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Blood and glitter go together right?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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