Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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