i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
