New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
