I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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