You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
