I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
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I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
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You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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