There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
