speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
