Kiss
Puke
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Randomize
