Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
