I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
