It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
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