Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
