My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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