idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
