Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
