take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
