Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
