i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she peed on how many people?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
