1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
