A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
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