DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
