Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
