I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize