So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
