i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
