After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
