Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
