I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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