nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize